remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
