All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize