Ambien. No doubt about it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ladies don't puke and tell
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
