Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
