paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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