Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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