I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
