if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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