I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
