And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
