I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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