lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
