im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize