i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize