I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
