I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
