Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
