you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
