so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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