i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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