Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
