at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
