I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
