thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Randomize
