dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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