Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
