I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
