my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize