Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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