Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
