i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
