Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
