the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Randomize
