So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
