blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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