I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize