i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
