so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize