last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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