just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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