i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
