actually, I'm a sock model
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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