I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
