im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
