Welp...herpes.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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