Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
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