3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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