Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
