Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
