I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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