I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
