So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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