Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
there is puke in my bra ... again
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize