Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
