..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
