im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
