party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
