Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
