So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
