o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Randomize
